Rabbi Michael Leo Samuel

This past week, I had the opportunity to participate at my first Board of Rabbis meeting that took place in the San Diego Jewish Federation. Meeting colleagues is always an interesting experience. One gets to see a chronological gap separating the very young rabbinic from the more seasoned and mature rabbinic leaders like myself.

After the meeting, one of the older colleagues began an interesting discussion regarding how his synagogue prepares its b’nei mitzvah (plural for many Bar/Bat Mitzvah). Since they have anywhere between 60-90 students a year, no one particular student is allowed to “monopolize” the bimah since everyone is considered “equal” on Shabbat.

What an interesting idea! Who can argue with such lofty democratic thoughts? I recall hearing a similar response from other colleagues over the years, but I must wonder whether such an approach is indeed a good idea or not. Yes, in a large congregation, there are bound to be logistical problems galore. However, that being said, if I were a parent of a future Bar or Bat Mitzvah, I would ask myself the following question: “Would it better serve the education of my children if my family joined a smaller congregation-one where my child would have the opportunity to do more than the perfunctory maftir or haftorah?”

Think about it. As Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzato writes in the introduction of his classical work, Mesillat Yesharim, “I have not written this book to remind people what they do not know concerning Jewish ethics, but to remind them about the obvious truths that everyone knows but due to outside pressures, forget these truths from time to time . . .”

I implore Jewish parents everywhere: Do not shortchange your children’s Jewish education. What can possibly make a parent or community more proud than to see one of its students master an evening, morning, or afternoon Shabbat service?

Synagogues often get into habit of producing benai’ mitzvah as if they were on a Detroit factory line; this approach is wrong-headed and unwise. I realize that parents see these larger country-club synagogues as a symbol of their economic or social success, but isn’t time for parents to wonder: How can I help my child get the most out of his/her spiritual experience? Yes, enquiring minds demand a thoughtful answer.

Perhaps the smaller and emergent congregations deserve a second look.

Take the simple example of the Bar Mitzvah student who labors mightily toward that special day. But as a thoughtful Jew, what are some of the essential lessons we wish to instill in our young people so that they might grow up as conscientious Jews? In my experience, I encourage every youngster to give three speeches: a brief synopsis on the Torah portion, a synopsis on the haftorah reading—and most importantly—a personal reflection on what it means to become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, aside from doing an important part of the religious service. Of course, some will do more, while others will do less. It is the process that is important. It is vital that no child feel as if s/he is just going through the motions. We can do better-and we must!

No rabbis a CEO, nor should he conduct his/her business as if s/he were running a business. Admittedly, we often say, “There’s no business like shul business.” To some extent that saying is true. The “business” of the shul when it comes to “making” a Bar or Bat Mitzvah must be carefully tailored to the needs of the student. One size does not fit all, nor should it.

Let me reiterate: Can we do better? To cite Obama, “Yes we can!” Rabbis have a duty to communicate the ideas that have led to the spiritual evolution of our people is an essential task for today’s rabbinic leader. To achieve this lofty goal, a synagogue rabbi must be approachable; one must be able to draw diverse groups of people together; an experienced rabbi must promote a communitarian spirit; exude a of love of Judaism with a breath of knowledge that makes whatever the current topic being discussed, relevant and exciting. Developing the young and formative psyche of a Jewish young person must remain one of the top priorities of our religious duties. Let’s not accept mediocrity for ourselves and especially—our children.

Over the years working in smaller congregations, people have marvelled at what my students could accomplish-equalling their Jewish counterparts who study in the finest day schools around the country. Personal attention is everything. And that is what you get when your child attends a smaller congregation. Of course, I would encourage each parent to make a serious inquiry for oneself before making this momentous decision.